The Past Few Days

It’s good to be back.

I truly missed this place.

But it’s sad how much I had forgotten in just 2 years.

How sad an orphanage really is.

Because for most of these kids the “life” that they are living is not a life.

Sitting on a bench with your hands tied up and never moving.

That is not  a life.

And I guess I had forgotten the living conditions of these children.

These children are not living.

They are barely surviving.

And as I walked around the orphanage I am surprised at how easily I had forgotten

The suffering

The tears

The hopelessness

I had forgotten.

I guess I got so caught up in my own life.

My own busy schedule.

My own complaints.

I forgot what it was like.

But it’s not all bad!

There is still light in this darkness.

The nannies still smile.

The kids still laugh and play.

Or at least some do.

And even though there are kids that are worse, there are kids that are better!

Anyway.

Sorry I havn’t posted.

It’s Tuesday night here and I’ve written one blog.

We’ve spent 3 full days at the orphanage now.

In the mornings we play with the babies. We take them from their cribs and bring them down to the playroom. The babies make it a happy morning. There is hope. Because for a lot of the babies we know they will get adopted. Especially the healthy ones. We know that a lot of them will make it out of the orphanage before having to move to the big kid room. I tend to play with different babies each morning. I’ve spent a lot of time with a baby named Sam. He was there as a little tiny baby when we were there 2 years ago. He has down syndrome and is the cutest little thing. He loves to play and roll around on his back and stomach and he also likes to do some strange little scoot crawling type thing he has learned. Sam along with other babies in the morning make me laugh and are a good way to start off the mornings.

After lunch (which has already consisted of one trip to KFC and one to Mcdoanlds) we head back to the orphanage for the big kids.

We learned to split the team into 2 groups. One group takes the kids that can walk and play on their own and the other group takes the more special needs kids. I enjoy both groups of kids. Playing with the less severe special need kids is a little overwhelming because they are crazy. But its also encouraging to see the progress a lot of them have made. Jessie, a little girl who last time couldn’t walk is now running around like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Another encouraging thing is that Daisy and Collin (both kids with down syndrome) and Mikey (a boy with epilepsy) are all older kids and are all learning to write their numbers 1-10. They are all very proud of this talent they now have. 

After awhile our groups switch and I move over to the more severe special needs kids. Playing with these kids can be depressing. It’s a dimly lit room with a bench full of kids just sitting there. Some of the kids sit on potty chairs all day long and never get up. We decided to put diapers on these kids and bring them over to the play room. I was a little upset to see Sadie, a little down syndrome girl not looking so good. Two years ago when we came she was a chubby happy baby with such a personality and now she sat on a potty chair all day long showing no emotion. The hardest part was seeing Penelope. I played with Penelope a lot last year. She does nothing but sit on a potty chair and chew on her hands the entire day. Her hands will become swollen and bleeding if the nannies don’t tie them behind her back for the entire day. When I saw her I untied her hands and sat her up to soon realize that her legs had lost all the muscle in them and she could no longer walk. No longer. She could walk 2 years ago but now there was nothing left but skin and bone on her legs. 

The last part of the day was to give the kids a “special treat” of watermelon. When the nannies brought it out the kids devoured it.  The sight was a little unsettling watching just how hungry these kids were. 

Overall the past few days have been good but hard.

The special needs are just very severe this year.

Tonight we met with a pastor of the local church.

I have lots of stories to tell about that but I will have to share about that later.

Your prayers are very much appreciated.

Please continue to pray!

Here at Last

We are here!

Praise the Lord for that!

It has even been a safe and pretty easy journey getting here!

Although in the last two years I seemed to have forgotten just how long a 15 hour plane ride really feels like.

Or just how long a 30 hour day feels like.

But we are here.

And it’s  good to be back.

I really missed this place.

We arrived at Chenzhou on Friday afternoon and went to the orphanage right after.

Some of the nannies were waiting outside for us.

They got all excited when we got there which is encouraging.

They then took us to see the babies.

We went into the playroom and basically started playing with any baby we could find.

Most of the babies I knew were so big!

Some had even moved into the big kid room already!

We didn’t stay in the room for very long.

We headed down to the crib rooms.

In one room we went in there were about 7 babies and they said they were all new babies.

Not sure what “new” qualifies as but 7 seems like too many to me.

Finally we headed down to the big kids room.

Which is where I missed the most.

As soon as we walked down the hall Gracie came running down to me and jumped right into me with the biggest hug ever all the while screaming whoknowswhat in chinese.

Two years later and she still remembers me.

My biggest fear was that she would forget me.

But from just one glance she knew exactly who I was.

Her “Jie Jie” as she calls me. (big sister)

I think she ran around to every nanny about 4 times each and told them each who I was.

She was so excited.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the big kid room and the sight broke my heart.

Almost double the amount of kids from last time and not one healthy kid.

The special needs were very severe.

In one corner there was about 10 babies sitting in bumbo seats.

Some banging their head, a few crying, some lying so still you wouldn’t believe they were still breathing.

In another corner was Sky, a girl who is close to my age. She hangs her head and just sits on the bench all day long.

Sitting next to her were a few girls around 10 looking scared to death. They looked at us with terrified little eyes and clung to each other.

Next to them was a 13 year old boy with no muscle. It looked like his muscles had completely withered away.

We had never seen him before.

The list of children goes on and on.

As Gracie dragged me around I got to say hi to lots of children I knew.

Some looking much better, and some looking much worse.

It was loud and chaotic and stressful but I was so glad to be back.

After just a short while it was time for us to leave.

We said goodbye to the kids and walked back to our hotel.

For dinner we went to a restaurant I had never been.

It was so loud and filled with smoke.

We sat and coughed through the entire meal.

As if we weren’t being stared at enough.

Everyone was so tired.

It had been a long and some what depressing day.

On Saturday morning we had a devotion in our hotel room.

14 people in one small room.

We talked about what we had seen at the orphanage.

Everyone felt pretty helpless.

We all had so much we wanted to do.

But we are only here a week.

And what exactly can we do?

We came to the conclusion that we need to just love.

Because after all

God is love.

After devotion we decided to go on a “scenic mountain tour”

Which ended up being about as hard as the great wall.

When we thought we were close to the top we realized we were only half way.

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that there were cable cars at the top to take down.

By the way we found out that the safety regulations in China don’t seem to be the same as the US.

The scenery was beautiful though.

But I’m still not sure it was all worth it.

To finish off our Saturday we went out to dinner with the director and some of the nannies.

Communication is still hard between us.

But we are finding ways to connect.

Another fun fact that we learned is that the nannies really love spicy food.

Lucky for me I do too, but I’m not sure all the teammates had quite the same luck.

These first few days have been long and exhausting.

But amazing.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us for the rest of the week.

Please continue praying for the team and the orphanage.  

Two Years Later...

Two years later.

Two long years later.

730 days later.

730 long days later.

And finally

FINALLY

The day has come that I will be traveling back to China.

I have to be honest.

It hasn't been easy.

And I havn't exactly been patient.

I can think back to two years ago and I thought this day would never come.

I can think back to one year ago and I thought this day would never come.

But here it is.

FINALLY.

In less than 12 hours I will be on a 16 hour plane ride to China.

Never thought I would say this but I'm actually excited for that flight.

I'm excited for everything!

The food, the heat, the smells, the beds, the traffic.

Maybe I really have gone crazy waiting.

Or maybe not.

All I know is that God has provided.

He's letting me go back!

He has provided a team of 14 this year.

Not to mention that five of those people are guys.

That's five more guys than we had last year.

Or the year before.

You do the math.

God has provided In His Hands.

The ministry that is helping this trip to happen.

God has provided money.

God has provided Steve our guide from past years.

God has provided himself.

I don't know why I'm surprised.

God has never not provided before.

I guess I'm just thankful.

So join me as I go back.

To the country.

To the city.

To the orphanage that I love.

And please pray for the trip.

For our health and safety.

And that God will continue to use us to spread his love in Chenzhou.

China, Here I come.

Don't say goodbye

Before I left I had a friend quote Peter Pan to me

"Don't say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting"

And this country

This city

This orphanage

These nannies

These kids

Aren't something you just forget

Today was our goodbye party day at the orphanage.

We all wore our team chenzhou T-shirts.

We brought some for all the nannies and they wore theirs too.

The party was in the conference room.

We all sat at tables that they had filled with plates of fruit.

Then they brought the kids in.

Dennis, Taylor and Gracie all came running to me.

It was so sweet.

The nannies had us sit and watch as all the school kids (plus Dennis, Taylor and Avery) sang and danced to a song for us.

They loved performing for us!

The next thing that happened was Taylor and Dennis went up on stage wearing baseball hats and sunglasses.

They did a little hip hop dance for us called the "street dance"

Surprisingly, they could dance!

That was one of the coolest things that happened.

The school kids did a few more songs for us then it was our turn to perform.

We have been practicing the song You are Holy (Prince of Peace)

We had lyrics translated in Chinese so the nannies could sing along if they would like to.

The song went well.

The last thing we did was we had a cake!

The director lit candles and we all had to make a wish!

Then we all circled around the cake and blew out the candles together.

Finally came the worst part.

Telling the kids we had to go.

Luckily most of them didn't understand what was going on.

But we did.

We understood that our nine days at this orphanage was over.

We understood that we were leaving.

Some of us, never to return.

I wish i could explain to you the pain of saying goodbye.

But no matter how hard i try i know i will never be able to describe it.

By the time we got upstairs to the kids most of the team was already in tears.

I walked into the older kid room and started hugging as many kids as i could.

A lot of them didn't care because they just didn't understand.

When i got to little Paul i gave him a huge hug and tried to put him down but he clung on.

I had to peel his hands off me.

Same thing with Dennis, who normally isn't like that.

He was giggling as i gave him a huge hug.

But when i had to push him away he looked confused.

I hated seeing that look in his eyes.

After i walked out of the big kid room with my heart already breaking i walked into the hallway to see Gracie crying.

She ran up to me and cried "JieJie! JieJe!" (Big sister! Big sister!)

I held her until a nannie pulled her away from me.

They were taking my little girl.

After barely keeping myself together after that i turned around to see our rough and tough eight year old boy Taylor with tears streaming down his face.

I ran over to him, wiped the tears from his face and picked him up.

He hugged me and wouldn't let go.

He kept whispering in my ear "Kenna, Kenna"

I tried whispering things back "Its ok, don't cry. Kenna will be back soon. Don't worry, ill be back. Kenna loves you."

Of course he speaks Chinese and i well i don't, but either way he started to calm down.

Steve called my name and said i needed to leave so i put him down.

I walked down the hallway and turned to wave goodbye.

I saw Taylor, Gracie and a few other kids with tears in their eyes watching me walk away.

Thats when i had to look away because i was afraid i might start crying with them.

I was leaving them.

I was leaving them again.

For the third time.

And i dont know who is gonna be their "JieJe" or their "Kenna" while I'm gone.

We had lunch at the orphanage once again.

After we started eating they brought the kids in.

They were looking better and more smiley.

I didn't eat much though.

I kinda just starred at my food.

When the kids were done eating the nannies took them out.

Gracie quickly ran over and gave me a hug before she left.

And Taylor waved and yelled "bye bye Kenna!"

I haven't seen them since then.

Saying goodbye to the nannies at the train station was just as bad.

So many people were crying.

Everyones gonna miss each other so much.

 So now after an eight hour train ride.

Looong train ride.

We are now in Beijing getting ready for the great wall!

Yesterday was a long, hard day.

Its funny to think in just 3 days ill be back in the states.

This trip went by so fast.

Alright goodnight all you people back in America!


















 

High and Low

So sometimes during devotions we do this thing called "high and low" where we have to name our high of the day and our low of the day. Last night we had to do our high and low over the entire week. But i couldn't just pick one for each! So i thought i would name a few.

Highs
- gracie and taylor saying they remember me from last year
-Mikey pointing at me and telling Steve he knows i came last year
- Gracie giving me such a big hug that we fell over
- having a tickle war with Dennis and pretending we were karate masters
- seeing so much improvement in the entire orphanage
- having a sword fight with balloon swords with Taylor
- playing rock, paper, scissors with a little girl who is known as a trouble maker
- hanging out with my entire team and all the friendships I've formed
- watching Drew, a little boy who drools ALL the time, blow bubbles and blow slobber everywhere, making everyone crack up laughing
- Taylor calling me "Shannon" instead of "Kenna" just to annoy me
- coming in one day and finding out one of the girls was gone cause she got adopted
- making dumplings with the nannies
- going to the church with the kids
- seeing the directer get tears in her eyes talking about us
- seeing how much the nannies love the kids
- seeing the friendship between two four year old girls named Lina and Dora
- watching one of the "mean" girls protect another little girl from being hit by a kid
- knowing that God loves every single one of these kids and is watching over every single one of them


Lows
- some of the conditions the kids are in
- hearing that one of the sick babies from last year died
- watching a little boy grab a little girls ankles and pull her off a bench slamming her head against the concrete floor and her not even flinching
- loosing our luggage and not having some of the donations
- hearing some of the kids back stories
- looking around at a room full of kids that i know most of them will never have a mommy or daddy
- watching some of the stronger kids pick on the little weak ones
- hopelessness
- knowing i have to leave tomorrow
- knowing some of these kids will be here for there entire lives


Well theres a lot more but there is just a few. Im glad theres more highs then lows.

Past few days

The past two days have been good.

Yesterday we went to the orphanage in the morning but took off in the afternoon so we could go buy donations for the kids.

We bought all the school kids new clothes for this year.

We also bought Dennis and Taylor (two 8 year old healthy boys) new clothes because they will be attending school in the fall.

We bought new underwear for all the kids in the orphanage because they are in desperate need of some new ones.

We were going to buy shoes for all the kids too but with not knowing all the sizes we decided it would be better to give the money to the directer and have them buy the shoes.

It was so hot outside while we were shopping we were all so happy to go to KFC for dinner.

KFC in China isn't exactly the same in China as it is in America. Its more like McDonalds.  But there fries and ice cream are amazing so I'm not complaining.

Today we were supposed to start this morning with the babies, but me being the rebel that i am decided to sneak off to the big kids along with Emily and Megan.

I held Jessie (5 year old who looks and acts like a 1 year old) for awhile and played play dough with Taylor and Dennis.

I finally decided that i should go to the baby room.

When i went in i picked up sweet little baby named Jenny.

And soon i was playing with little Blossom, my moms favorite baby.

After a little bit we had to back with the big kids.

We took them outside.

It was SO hot.

We made paper chains and played with some water toys.

After our lunch break in the afternoon at the orphanage i started with the babies.

I found a five month old named Melissa who had just recently had surgery.

Finally the school kids came in.

They were back!

When Gracie walked in she scanned the room for me.

I was bent over playing with a little kid.

She came running at me, threw herself into my arms and we both went tumbling to the ground!

Its nice to be remembered.

Instead of calling me "mama" this time she was calling me "JieJie" which means big sister in Chinese.

We were having dinner at the orphanage again.

Just like last time we sat at one table and the kids sat at another.

At dinner the director gave us a little speech about how much they appreciate us.

She even started to tear up talking about it!

After dinner we did a group photo of our entire team with all the nannies.

Then we did separate pictures of people.

Knowing that we were going to leave made a lot of my teammates and some of the nannies start to cry.

It was very emotional.

We have made such amazing friendships here.

When we were done taking pictures we were all kind of standing in a circle so i jokingly suggested we sing and dance to the hokey pokey, but all of a sudden we were dancing to the hokey pokey!

Taylor, Leah and Colin, three of the school kids were the only kids left in there at that time and they were having a blast!

Tonight was really awesome!

Compared to the first year when i came and the nannies barely looked at us to the third year and here they are crying with us as we get ready to leave.

God is amazing.

Thanks for the prayers!

Guilty

Sorry I didnt post yesterday.

Yesterday and today have been back to our normal schedule.

We only have two and a half days at the orphanage left.

Days go by slow but the week has gone by fast.

In some ways it feels like we have been here for a year

But in other ways it feels like we just got here

There are definitely things that I miss

Like texting my friends

Or eating american food

Or some good air conditioning

But every time I find myself missing these things I feel guilty

Because I can leave the orphanage

Go back to America

Where life is easy

But these kids they cant leave

They are stuck here

With no mom or dad

Or siblings

Or friends

And what about the nannies?

We come and work here for two weeks and we think its rough

They work at this orphanage day after day

Giving up there lives for these kids

See why I feel guilty?

Its unfair.

A trip like this, it changes your perspective.

I wish everyone could come and see

Then you'd understand

I wish you could hold a little girl in your arms whose hands are bloody and swollen because she sits and chews on them day after day because thats all she knows how to do

I wish you could play tag with a little boy who has down syndrome and watch him laugh and giggle with joy because youre giving him attention

I wish a little girl would call you mama because youre the only person who has shown her what love is

If you could look around at a room full of kids who have never had a mommy or daddy to brush their hair. Or sing them a lullaby. Or give them a hug and kiss goodnight.

Then you'd understand why my heart is breaking for these kids.

*sigh*

And in just a few days I will be leaving

To go "home"

Leaving these kids behind

My heart hurts just thinking about it

Anyway, life is good here in Chenzhou

Please continue praying for us and the orphanage

Thanks!