Dear Chenzhou

Dear Orphans of Chenzhou, 

I am writing this to tell you that I am sorry. 

I am truly sorry. 

I am sorry that this is your life. 

I am sorry that you sit on a bench 

Or maybe a chair 

Or maybe a crib 

All day. 

Everyday. 

I am sorry that some of you can no longer walk

Maybe because of malnutrition 

Or maybe because you've been sitting so long. 

I'm sorry that you never have enough water to drink. 

Or food to eat. 

Or clothes to wear. 

I am sorry that because you have a special need you are looked at as less than a person. 

I am sorry it feels like God has abandoned you. 

Or let you down. 

And even though you may feel like he has let you down. 

He hasn't.  

His people have. 

And for that I am sorry. 

I am sorry that Gods people feel it is easier to pretend you don't exist than to actually do something. 

I am sorry that millions of Christians will live another day and you will not cross their minds once. 

I am sorry that His people would rather live comfortably than to try and help you. 

I am sorry that you feel unworthy. 

Or imperfect.

I am sorry you feel like a mistake. 

Or a burden 

Or a waste. 

I am sorry you have pain and I am sorry you have scars. 

And I'm sorry you don't have a mommy or daddy to make it better. 

But I want you to know that I love you. 

And God loves you more than you can even imagine. 

He is holding every single one of you in his loving arms. 

He knows you are hurting. 

And he is catching every tear you cry. 

He has a plan and a purpose for you. 

Even if you can't see it yet. 

 Because you are perfect in his eyes.

You are not a burden

You are not a waste

You are not a mistake. 

You are a child of God. 

I want you to know that you are stronger than I will ever be. 

Because even though your life is not perfect.

Whatever perfect may be.

You still smile.

You still sing and dance and giggle.

You teach me how to look at life from a new perspective.

You show me how much I still have to learn about humbleness and thankfulness.

You have completely blown my small, in-my-own-bubble, comfort zoned, mind.

And I can never thank you enough.

So stay strong. 

Don't ever let your scars 

Or disabilities 

Or past 

Hold you back. 

I love you and miss you 

Your friend, Makenna 

The Past Few Days

It’s good to be back.

I truly missed this place.

But it’s sad how much I had forgotten in just 2 years.

How sad an orphanage really is.

Because for most of these kids the “life” that they are living is not a life.

Sitting on a bench with your hands tied up and never moving.

That is not  a life.

And I guess I had forgotten the living conditions of these children.

These children are not living.

They are barely surviving.

And as I walked around the orphanage I am surprised at how easily I had forgotten

The suffering

The tears

The hopelessness

I had forgotten.

I guess I got so caught up in my own life.

My own busy schedule.

My own complaints.

I forgot what it was like.

But it’s not all bad!

There is still light in this darkness.

The nannies still smile.

The kids still laugh and play.

Or at least some do.

And even though there are kids that are worse, there are kids that are better!

Anyway.

Sorry I havn’t posted.

It’s Tuesday night here and I’ve written one blog.

We’ve spent 3 full days at the orphanage now.

In the mornings we play with the babies. We take them from their cribs and bring them down to the playroom. The babies make it a happy morning. There is hope. Because for a lot of the babies we know they will get adopted. Especially the healthy ones. We know that a lot of them will make it out of the orphanage before having to move to the big kid room. I tend to play with different babies each morning. I’ve spent a lot of time with a baby named Sam. He was there as a little tiny baby when we were there 2 years ago. He has down syndrome and is the cutest little thing. He loves to play and roll around on his back and stomach and he also likes to do some strange little scoot crawling type thing he has learned. Sam along with other babies in the morning make me laugh and are a good way to start off the mornings.

After lunch (which has already consisted of one trip to KFC and one to Mcdoanlds) we head back to the orphanage for the big kids.

We learned to split the team into 2 groups. One group takes the kids that can walk and play on their own and the other group takes the more special needs kids. I enjoy both groups of kids. Playing with the less severe special need kids is a little overwhelming because they are crazy. But its also encouraging to see the progress a lot of them have made. Jessie, a little girl who last time couldn’t walk is now running around like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Another encouraging thing is that Daisy and Collin (both kids with down syndrome) and Mikey (a boy with epilepsy) are all older kids and are all learning to write their numbers 1-10. They are all very proud of this talent they now have. 

After awhile our groups switch and I move over to the more severe special needs kids. Playing with these kids can be depressing. It’s a dimly lit room with a bench full of kids just sitting there. Some of the kids sit on potty chairs all day long and never get up. We decided to put diapers on these kids and bring them over to the play room. I was a little upset to see Sadie, a little down syndrome girl not looking so good. Two years ago when we came she was a chubby happy baby with such a personality and now she sat on a potty chair all day long showing no emotion. The hardest part was seeing Penelope. I played with Penelope a lot last year. She does nothing but sit on a potty chair and chew on her hands the entire day. Her hands will become swollen and bleeding if the nannies don’t tie them behind her back for the entire day. When I saw her I untied her hands and sat her up to soon realize that her legs had lost all the muscle in them and she could no longer walk. No longer. She could walk 2 years ago but now there was nothing left but skin and bone on her legs. 

The last part of the day was to give the kids a “special treat” of watermelon. When the nannies brought it out the kids devoured it.  The sight was a little unsettling watching just how hungry these kids were. 

Overall the past few days have been good but hard.

The special needs are just very severe this year.

Tonight we met with a pastor of the local church.

I have lots of stories to tell about that but I will have to share about that later.

Your prayers are very much appreciated.

Please continue to pray!

Here at Last

We are here!

Praise the Lord for that!

It has even been a safe and pretty easy journey getting here!

Although in the last two years I seemed to have forgotten just how long a 15 hour plane ride really feels like.

Or just how long a 30 hour day feels like.

But we are here.

And it’s  good to be back.

I really missed this place.

We arrived at Chenzhou on Friday afternoon and went to the orphanage right after.

Some of the nannies were waiting outside for us.

They got all excited when we got there which is encouraging.

They then took us to see the babies.

We went into the playroom and basically started playing with any baby we could find.

Most of the babies I knew were so big!

Some had even moved into the big kid room already!

We didn’t stay in the room for very long.

We headed down to the crib rooms.

In one room we went in there were about 7 babies and they said they were all new babies.

Not sure what “new” qualifies as but 7 seems like too many to me.

Finally we headed down to the big kids room.

Which is where I missed the most.

As soon as we walked down the hall Gracie came running down to me and jumped right into me with the biggest hug ever all the while screaming whoknowswhat in chinese.

Two years later and she still remembers me.

My biggest fear was that she would forget me.

But from just one glance she knew exactly who I was.

Her “Jie Jie” as she calls me. (big sister)

I think she ran around to every nanny about 4 times each and told them each who I was.

She was so excited.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the big kid room and the sight broke my heart.

Almost double the amount of kids from last time and not one healthy kid.

The special needs were very severe.

In one corner there was about 10 babies sitting in bumbo seats.

Some banging their head, a few crying, some lying so still you wouldn’t believe they were still breathing.

In another corner was Sky, a girl who is close to my age. She hangs her head and just sits on the bench all day long.

Sitting next to her were a few girls around 10 looking scared to death. They looked at us with terrified little eyes and clung to each other.

Next to them was a 13 year old boy with no muscle. It looked like his muscles had completely withered away.

We had never seen him before.

The list of children goes on and on.

As Gracie dragged me around I got to say hi to lots of children I knew.

Some looking much better, and some looking much worse.

It was loud and chaotic and stressful but I was so glad to be back.

After just a short while it was time for us to leave.

We said goodbye to the kids and walked back to our hotel.

For dinner we went to a restaurant I had never been.

It was so loud and filled with smoke.

We sat and coughed through the entire meal.

As if we weren’t being stared at enough.

Everyone was so tired.

It had been a long and some what depressing day.

On Saturday morning we had a devotion in our hotel room.

14 people in one small room.

We talked about what we had seen at the orphanage.

Everyone felt pretty helpless.

We all had so much we wanted to do.

But we are only here a week.

And what exactly can we do?

We came to the conclusion that we need to just love.

Because after all

God is love.

After devotion we decided to go on a “scenic mountain tour”

Which ended up being about as hard as the great wall.

When we thought we were close to the top we realized we were only half way.

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that there were cable cars at the top to take down.

By the way we found out that the safety regulations in China don’t seem to be the same as the US.

The scenery was beautiful though.

But I’m still not sure it was all worth it.

To finish off our Saturday we went out to dinner with the director and some of the nannies.

Communication is still hard between us.

But we are finding ways to connect.

Another fun fact that we learned is that the nannies really love spicy food.

Lucky for me I do too, but I’m not sure all the teammates had quite the same luck.

These first few days have been long and exhausting.

But amazing.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us for the rest of the week.

Please continue praying for the team and the orphanage.  

Two Years Later...

Two years later.

Two long years later.

730 days later.

730 long days later.

And finally

FINALLY

The day has come that I will be traveling back to China.

I have to be honest.

It hasn't been easy.

And I havn't exactly been patient.

I can think back to two years ago and I thought this day would never come.

I can think back to one year ago and I thought this day would never come.

But here it is.

FINALLY.

In less than 12 hours I will be on a 16 hour plane ride to China.

Never thought I would say this but I'm actually excited for that flight.

I'm excited for everything!

The food, the heat, the smells, the beds, the traffic.

Maybe I really have gone crazy waiting.

Or maybe not.

All I know is that God has provided.

He's letting me go back!

He has provided a team of 14 this year.

Not to mention that five of those people are guys.

That's five more guys than we had last year.

Or the year before.

You do the math.

God has provided In His Hands.

The ministry that is helping this trip to happen.

God has provided money.

God has provided Steve our guide from past years.

God has provided himself.

I don't know why I'm surprised.

God has never not provided before.

I guess I'm just thankful.

So join me as I go back.

To the country.

To the city.

To the orphanage that I love.

And please pray for the trip.

For our health and safety.

And that God will continue to use us to spread his love in Chenzhou.

China, Here I come.