Don't say goodbye

Before I left I had a friend quote Peter Pan to me

"Don't say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting"

And this country

This city

This orphanage

These nannies

These kids

Aren't something you just forget

Today was our goodbye party day at the orphanage.

We all wore our team chenzhou T-shirts.

We brought some for all the nannies and they wore theirs too.

The party was in the conference room.

We all sat at tables that they had filled with plates of fruit.

Then they brought the kids in.

Dennis, Taylor and Gracie all came running to me.

It was so sweet.

The nannies had us sit and watch as all the school kids (plus Dennis, Taylor and Avery) sang and danced to a song for us.

They loved performing for us!

The next thing that happened was Taylor and Dennis went up on stage wearing baseball hats and sunglasses.

They did a little hip hop dance for us called the "street dance"

Surprisingly, they could dance!

That was one of the coolest things that happened.

The school kids did a few more songs for us then it was our turn to perform.

We have been practicing the song You are Holy (Prince of Peace)

We had lyrics translated in Chinese so the nannies could sing along if they would like to.

The song went well.

The last thing we did was we had a cake!

The director lit candles and we all had to make a wish!

Then we all circled around the cake and blew out the candles together.

Finally came the worst part.

Telling the kids we had to go.

Luckily most of them didn't understand what was going on.

But we did.

We understood that our nine days at this orphanage was over.

We understood that we were leaving.

Some of us, never to return.

I wish i could explain to you the pain of saying goodbye.

But no matter how hard i try i know i will never be able to describe it.

By the time we got upstairs to the kids most of the team was already in tears.

I walked into the older kid room and started hugging as many kids as i could.

A lot of them didn't care because they just didn't understand.

When i got to little Paul i gave him a huge hug and tried to put him down but he clung on.

I had to peel his hands off me.

Same thing with Dennis, who normally isn't like that.

He was giggling as i gave him a huge hug.

But when i had to push him away he looked confused.

I hated seeing that look in his eyes.

After i walked out of the big kid room with my heart already breaking i walked into the hallway to see Gracie crying.

She ran up to me and cried "JieJie! JieJe!" (Big sister! Big sister!)

I held her until a nannie pulled her away from me.

They were taking my little girl.

After barely keeping myself together after that i turned around to see our rough and tough eight year old boy Taylor with tears streaming down his face.

I ran over to him, wiped the tears from his face and picked him up.

He hugged me and wouldn't let go.

He kept whispering in my ear "Kenna, Kenna"

I tried whispering things back "Its ok, don't cry. Kenna will be back soon. Don't worry, ill be back. Kenna loves you."

Of course he speaks Chinese and i well i don't, but either way he started to calm down.

Steve called my name and said i needed to leave so i put him down.

I walked down the hallway and turned to wave goodbye.

I saw Taylor, Gracie and a few other kids with tears in their eyes watching me walk away.

Thats when i had to look away because i was afraid i might start crying with them.

I was leaving them.

I was leaving them again.

For the third time.

And i dont know who is gonna be their "JieJe" or their "Kenna" while I'm gone.

We had lunch at the orphanage once again.

After we started eating they brought the kids in.

They were looking better and more smiley.

I didn't eat much though.

I kinda just starred at my food.

When the kids were done eating the nannies took them out.

Gracie quickly ran over and gave me a hug before she left.

And Taylor waved and yelled "bye bye Kenna!"

I haven't seen them since then.

Saying goodbye to the nannies at the train station was just as bad.

So many people were crying.

Everyones gonna miss each other so much.

 So now after an eight hour train ride.

Looong train ride.

We are now in Beijing getting ready for the great wall!

Yesterday was a long, hard day.

Its funny to think in just 3 days ill be back in the states.

This trip went by so fast.

Alright goodnight all you people back in America!